I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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