Just fell off a train. Bad.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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