Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
