can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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