This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
