I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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