Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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