smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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