she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
