Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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