Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
