She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
