You really coming over, don't trick.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she smelled like a LAN party
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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