party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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