I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
