shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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