sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
