Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
