i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
