I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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