just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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