I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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