I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
