I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
