I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
True college students do jello shots in the library
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
