allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
