he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
