Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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