im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
