So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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