I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
