Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the day after is always just damage control
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
