I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
