I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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