so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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