If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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