Sponge bath it is.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
