I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
