If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
