I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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