I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
