all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
