meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
