Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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