First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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