Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
