He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can feel your judgement through the phone
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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