it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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