I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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