you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
