also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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