So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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