So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
